Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

At first, I didn’t mind that you had to go to your office everyday, because all I really cared about was booby, but now that I’m starting to care about more than my favorite food, I’m a little bummed you can’t stay home and play with me all day. After you took me to see your office last weekend and told me all about what you do all day when you’re away from me, I thought you might like to see what I do all day when you’re gone, so I took the liberty of documenting a day in my life this week. On any given day, I’m already up eating my breakfast when you get up and get ready for work, but after you’re gone, I like to do a little reading. I’m working on some Rushdie, but I didn’t want any other babies reading this to get jealous, so I just took my picture reading a counting book.

 

After I get my reading in, I like to practice holding things. So far, the thing I hold best is my ducky rattle. I can hold it up and throw it, but I’m not too concerned about “rattling’ it yet. The Boobs rattle it for me, so I really don’t see why I should be bothered to rattle it myself.

After I practice holding things, I like to eat again. Well, I’ll be honest. I like to eat at any given moment. If I had the choice, I’d be eating some booby from when you walk out the door to when you walk back in, but the Boobs make me do some other stuff. So, for the sake of brevity, I’ll stop mentioning every time I eat. So, after I eat my second breakfast, I get a little sleepy and take a nap.

I really hate sleeping in my crib during the day, so after I get put there, I’m awake within five minutes. I know you and the Boobs don’t understand why I have no problem sleeping there during the night, but I refuse to during the day. It makes no sense, I know, but I much prefer to fall asleep in my food during the day. It’s big and warm and provides me with some of the greatest happiness I’ve yet known.

 

I like to wake myself up by crapping my pants. It’s loud, it’s wet and it shakes the hell out of me, so as much as I hate to admit that I poop in my pants, it really is the best way to get me out of a sound sleep when dreams of giant boobies consume me (but I suspect you know that from watching me suck in my sleep). So, embarrassing as it is, I have to change my diaper.

 

After getting a clean butt, I like to play on my mat, kicking the ball, touching the fish and doing a little tummy time.

 

By noon, I’m generally a dirty, little boy and I like to take my bath. It’s one of my favorite times of the day, and I really do like getting so fresh and so clean, clean.

 

After my bath, I do exactly what you do – I get dressed, then I get a little vain and stare at my gorgeous self in my mirror while doing my hair…I’m a handsome little boy!

 

As you can probably tell since I take pictures of myself, dress myself and change my own diaper already — I’m pretty advanced and independent. But very rarely, I work myself into a tizzy and do still need the Boobs to comfort me.

 

And to finish my day, I like to take another nap in my food before you get home.

 

Once you get home, you know how it goes from there – we play and eat and play and eat, and eventually the Boobs makes you put me in my crib so I can go and dream of boobies once more.

Smile

Muscles involved in a “zygomatic” (i.e., genuine) smile:

Zygomaticus major and minor. These muscles pull up the corners of the mouth. They’re bilateral (one set on either side of the face).

Orbicularis oculi. One of these muscles encircles each eye and causes crinkling.

Levator labii superioris. Pulls up corner of lip and nose. Bilateral.

Levator anguli oris. Also helps elevate angle of mouth. Bilateral.

Risorius. Pulls corner of mouth to the side. Bilateral.

Grand total of muscles used for smiling: 12

Murphy, you’re a smilin’ fool. The winter won’t be nearly so cold with that high-wattage grin lighting up the house.